“Naked People”, Pearl Clutchers, and Everyone Else

There are three types of women in my gym’s locker room: Naked People, Pearl Clutchers, and Everyone Else.

“Naked People” is what I call those who are most comfortable without clothes. I used to live with a Naked Person, so I know of what I speak. They’re the ones that seem to do everything in the locker room without a stitch on. They walk around naked, dry their hair naked, go in the steam room and sit naked, put on their makeup naked, and just about anythign else you can do in a gym locker room…naked.

Then, you have the antithesis of the Naked People – the Pearl Clutchers. These are the people who look absolutely scandalized when a naked person saunters by, and may even say a few words behind their back once the person is safely out of earshot. They look over at the woman making sure to get her hair as dry as humanly possible while naked as a jaybird, and then look away with an eye roll or a sneer of disgust. When walking by the naked woman sitting on the bench, they obviously avert their eyes and scurry past as quickly as possible.

And then, there’s the rest of us – myself included. While I don’t go out of my way to share my womanly treasures with my fellow gym-goers, I may flash them from time to time because I have yet to find a towel at a reasonable price that can adequately contain said treasures (and let’s not even talk about the gym’s towels). I’ll change my clothes in the open, but if involves removing my bra (and for me, it usually does) then I go in changing room. I figure this is the biggest group – those of us somewhere in the middle.

Personally, I don’t really mind the naked people. If being naked is what does it for them, have at. My only request is please, please use a towel when sitting anywhere. Anything else would be uncivilized.

And to the pearl clutchers – lighten up. Yes, we all from time to time have been hit with an unexpected shot of naked female body when coming around a corner or out of a changing room which has seared itself permanently into our retinas. But honestly? It’s not a big deal. They’re just bodies, and we all have them. And you can take comfort in the fact that even the most devoted naked person has to eventually put on clothes, and rejoin the outside world.

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